Yes or NO?

I am so confused... puzzle... I don't know how to justify, whether or not I should go to US to present my paper about part of my PhD work?.. It is not as simple as one can make decision... I already get the permission from MOHE.. well, budget wise, not so convincing. Moreover, the fact that I need to use my money first, and later claim from them, really deter me from going. Arrghh...!! especially when I faced with financial problems lately...I am so confused. On one hand, it's an opportunity to present my work to the expert, on another hand, where can I get the initial financing? The flight tickets for me and hubby already cost me around RM12K, adding to hotel charges... miscelleneous charges... where to get money? Furthermore, they only allow us, the student to present paper overseas ONCE during the course of study. mmmmm is it YES or NO? the work that I am going to present is sort of the initial work, not yet with the main work of my project .... arghhh can someone help me make decision? Besides, I need to leave my kids behind, plus it's Hari Raya.... please.. the timing is just not right....